Reason 1: There would be no racial taunts
As a resident monkey at one of the biggest cricket grounds in the world, I cant help writing this. This is the moment of truth. I know and I believe that the best thing in the cricketing world to be today is to be a monkey. What is the worst thing that you can call me? A monkey? Yea yea. Kiss me baby, one more time.
I know my racial history quiet well and you know yours too. Darwin said it a while ago. IBM confirmed it in their great gene study project. While you get ruffled by the hairy history, I don't. In my world there are no racial taunts. We have a lice-picking or a pecking order. But it ends there.
Reason 2: No creature has got discussed more by two cricket boards
When was the last time the same animal got mentioned in the front pages and sport pages of Cricket playing nations' newspapers and the wikipedia? The Duck? Hmm... no. Not even when Ajit Agarkar or Glenn McGrath grew them by the dozens in their batting records. No where in cricketing (or sporting) history has an animal held a stake of 2 Million dollars and many more (on lost ad -revenue)
When was the last time 2 Indian cricketers (averaging $2,000 for half an hour's product endorsement ad-shoots); 5 Australian cricketers (who heard an on -pitch conversation of a "monkey" from as far away as long-leg; but did not discern a nick off Dravid's pads) and One South African spend 5 hours discussing the various ways to pronounce the word Monkey. I wish we had a fly on the wall account of what happened inside. Am sure after dancing around "Here we go round the Mulberry bush..."; and playing "who will blink first"; there was a tie. Then they played the game of saying the word "Monkey' for every number that was a multiple of 7 or every digit that had the number 7 in it. Meaning 1.. 2.. 3... 4.. 5...6.. Monkey... 8... 9...10 and so on... 64....65... 66.. Monkey.. 68..69.. Monkey.. Monkey..Monkey.. and so on...
India lost. As Kumble confirmed Harbhajan never would ever say the word. Procter decided in favour of Australia.
Reason 3: Revered as a god symbolising strength
Will it be a problem if the India team gets into the field with a war cry of Jai Banjranga Bali? Till the The United Indians of Australia said it, it did not strike me. Hanuman, the great monkey god is a symbol of utmost strength and courage. When the great Lord Krishna urged the tired, de-spirited Arjuna to play, revealing his Godly avatar, the symbol on the chariot in the war field was Hanuman, who had incarnated himself there to be a silent witness to the war. Hanuman was not racist. In fact, in one giant leap long before Neil Armstrong, he had established linkages between two great cricketing nations on earth - India and Sri Lanka. Now please.... I am just a poor monkey who thrives on Cola leftovers, tid-bits from hot-dogs and beer spills. But it seems all ironic that a monkey was around when BCCI revealed that they are larger than life and larger than its officials waist sizes to urge a tired and de-spirited Indian team to play. "I am that" [Translated to I am the Universal strength] or Tat-vam-asi was what Krishna said that day. Today let me tell you. "I am that" you guys consider racial.
Reason 4: Whatever said, all of us were once
what does 4% mean to you? Would you fret is the asking rate is 6.24 vis-a-vis 6? You don't. Right? Umpires give you out caught behind when the ball is 6 inches away from a 4.5 inch thick bat (that is more than 100% variance). People claim catches that have pitched twice and rolled over and are given (100% variance?); big burly guys with foot sizes of 12 are given not out on stumpings when they are more than 2 inches away from the crease (2 on 12 is a 16% variance). Then why fret on 4%? That is all the difference between a man and a monkey is. Cricket is greater than individuals.. agreed. But Individuals genetically are not way greater than monkeys. So when someone calls you guys on a cricket field my name, they are factually 96% correct. [Read Genome for more details]
Reason 5: Games we play are no different
I have seen the guys in the commentary box say "He threw the cherry all over the park", "he can spot the cherry bigger than a football". So can I. I do that every day. and for me to spot a cherry in the shrubbery, I don't need a sight screen. Better still, I can swing. Using the wind and away from the wind. I can also swing with my arm on my ball(s). I would rather do that, and get free beer spills off left over cups, than be taunted racially for it.
Reason 6: One Life...
Better still. I just have one life to live. Unlike the cat with nine and Unlike some people who get four - when they are aged 34.. 80.. 104 and 156. Thank God for that. God? No no .. not those new life giving individuals in white coats, war painted faces, endorsing airline brands
As a resident monkey at one of the biggest cricket grounds in the world, I cant help writing this. This is the moment of truth. I know and I believe that the best thing in the cricketing world to be today is to be a monkey. What is the worst thing that you can call me? A monkey? Yea yea. Kiss me baby, one more time.
I know my racial history quiet well and you know yours too. Darwin said it a while ago. IBM confirmed it in their great gene study project. While you get ruffled by the hairy history, I don't. In my world there are no racial taunts. We have a lice-picking or a pecking order. But it ends there.
Reason 2: No creature has got discussed more by two cricket boards
When was the last time the same animal got mentioned in the front pages and sport pages of Cricket playing nations' newspapers and the wikipedia? The Duck? Hmm... no. Not even when Ajit Agarkar or Glenn McGrath grew them by the dozens in their batting records. No where in cricketing (or sporting) history has an animal held a stake of 2 Million dollars and many more (on lost ad -revenue)
When was the last time 2 Indian cricketers (averaging $2,000 for half an hour's product endorsement ad-shoots); 5 Australian cricketers (who heard an on -pitch conversation of a "monkey" from as far away as long-leg; but did not discern a nick off Dravid's pads) and One South African spend 5 hours discussing the various ways to pronounce the word Monkey. I wish we had a fly on the wall account of what happened inside. Am sure after dancing around "Here we go round the Mulberry bush..."; and playing "who will blink first"; there was a tie. Then they played the game of saying the word "Monkey' for every number that was a multiple of 7 or every digit that had the number 7 in it. Meaning 1.. 2.. 3... 4.. 5...6.. Monkey... 8... 9...10 and so on... 64....65... 66.. Monkey.. 68..69.. Monkey.. Monkey..Monkey.. and so on...
India lost. As Kumble confirmed Harbhajan never would ever say the word. Procter decided in favour of Australia.
Reason 3: Revered as a god symbolising strength
Will it be a problem if the India team gets into the field with a war cry of Jai Banjranga Bali? Till the The United Indians of Australia said it, it did not strike me. Hanuman, the great monkey god is a symbol of utmost strength and courage. When the great Lord Krishna urged the tired, de-spirited Arjuna to play, revealing his Godly avatar, the symbol on the chariot in the war field was Hanuman, who had incarnated himself there to be a silent witness to the war. Hanuman was not racist. In fact, in one giant leap long before Neil Armstrong, he had established linkages between two great cricketing nations on earth - India and Sri Lanka. Now please.... I am just a poor monkey who thrives on Cola leftovers, tid-bits from hot-dogs and beer spills. But it seems all ironic that a monkey was around when BCCI revealed that they are larger than life and larger than its officials waist sizes to urge a tired and de-spirited Indian team to play. "I am that" [Translated to I am the Universal strength] or Tat-vam-asi was what Krishna said that day. Today let me tell you. "I am that" you guys consider racial.
Reason 4: Whatever said, all of us were once
what does 4% mean to you? Would you fret is the asking rate is 6.24 vis-a-vis 6? You don't. Right? Umpires give you out caught behind when the ball is 6 inches away from a 4.5 inch thick bat (that is more than 100% variance). People claim catches that have pitched twice and rolled over and are given (100% variance?); big burly guys with foot sizes of 12 are given not out on stumpings when they are more than 2 inches away from the crease (2 on 12 is a 16% variance). Then why fret on 4%? That is all the difference between a man and a monkey is. Cricket is greater than individuals.. agreed. But Individuals genetically are not way greater than monkeys. So when someone calls you guys on a cricket field my name, they are factually 96% correct. [Read Genome for more details]
Reason 5: Games we play are no different
I have seen the guys in the commentary box say "He threw the cherry all over the park", "he can spot the cherry bigger than a football". So can I. I do that every day. and for me to spot a cherry in the shrubbery, I don't need a sight screen. Better still, I can swing. Using the wind and away from the wind. I can also swing with my arm on my ball(s). I would rather do that, and get free beer spills off left over cups, than be taunted racially for it.
Reason 6: One Life...
Better still. I just have one life to live. Unlike the cat with nine and Unlike some people who get four - when they are aged 34.. 80.. 104 and 156. Thank God for that. God? No no .. not those new life giving individuals in white coats, war painted faces, endorsing airline brands
